The Never Ending Thesis

11 days since my last post

2005-09-16T16:52:00.000-04:00

And, as I predicted, I don't have much to show for them.

Last Thursday night a bunch of friends came out to have supper with us at a Salvadorian restaurant. It was a nice evening. And of course, I missed the Yulblog meet, which Pat reminded me the next day (or did I remember when I saw him??). On Friday, Ben and I went to Boston and Cape Cod. We stayed the first night at the 140 Hotel, the old YWCA. A good price, great location and very nice place, clean and quaint without being overly plush. The next morning we walked around Boston for 3 hours. It is a lovely city with a bunch of joggers! They were able to construct new around old without breaking any charm or having the buildings look out of place. A much prettier place then Montreal, though really not as multi-ethnic. Then, Cape Cod. We had supper in P Town and bought loads of salt water taffy (mmmmm). The next day we rented bikes to go to the beach. Monday morning we visited Harvard and I asked a few questions to the Comp Lit & Eng Lit departments. It was a great mini-trip except for one thing: the food! Every time we ate out, one of us was sick to our stomach or got a head ache. In Harvard Square we stopped at an "Au Bon Pain" for lunch. I had a sandwich and some yogurt and, without having finished either, got a desperate urge to throw up. I don't know what those Americans put in their food, but it's gross. Definitely, NY and (the old) New Orleans are the only places in the States where I have found good cuisine.

As for Harvard, the Com Lit department would most likely correspond better to my profile. Except, being Harvard, students are expected to know 4 languages. Therefore, and following the advice of the department's secretary who was extremely helpful and resourceful, I have registered for a Latin class at Concordia. Since I'm still officially doing the TESL certificate, I can register and get regular student prices. I would therefore have French and English as my fluent languages, Spanish as my "reading" language and Latin as my fourth. I must still research Universities. I haven't been doing enough of that lately...

time flies when you have nothing to do!

2005-09-05T11:14:00.000-04:00

On Wednesday, Montreal was hit by the after-shock of Katrina, the storm that destroyed New Orleans. In the pouring rain, I set out to go to UofM to deposit the 4 copies of my thesis. Since my deposit, I have already found 2 typos/mistakes in my thesis.

Pierre called to see how it felt to be "free."

On Wednesday night I went to a 5 à 7 with the Séville gang. Sylvain has found a new job so they were honouring his departure. Ben and I stayed until 12. I had one scotch too many and was sick in bed the next day until 2. Really, the only way to have me sleep in is a hangover.

I sent my thesis to Anne. She seemed to like it. I was a bit afraid that she would be offended, or just thought that I was all wrong. But no. Which is nice. I wonder what Djuna, if she were still alive today and if she would actually agree to read my thesis, would think of it. Grumpy old lady as she had become, she would probably just say it was badly written.

Friday and Saturday I was depressed. Just sad. Unexplainable. I saw Maïa & Mila Friday night, which was nice. Mila has already grown and she stares now! A child after my own heart :)

We went to the piknik electronik yesterday. That was nice. Going out, dancing outside in the setting sun. Mistress Barbara was spinning. She is a good DJ, pretty and smiling, taking pictures of the people dancing and smiling back at her.

I'm no longer sad, but there is this stretch of void laid out in front of me. Friends have written to me "Great! Now you're done and you'll have some time for yourself!" Except, I never really felt like I didn't have time for myself. I liked what I was doing, even if I was very stressed while doing it. Now, I don't really know what to do. All I know is that time will speed up and it will pass and eventually I'll look back and wonder what have I done with it. I bought myself a puzzle, and three books: Naipaul's "Beyond Belief," Eliot's "Middlemarch," and Malory's "La Morte Dathur." At noon I have a brunch with Carole, so I must get ready.

3 hours of printing!

2005-08-30T16:58:00.000-04:00

Can you believe it took me 3 hours to print and assemble my 4 copies of my 100-page thesis!

I was hoping of handing it in today but seeing how long it took to print, not to mention that the department's secretary closes at 4 and it takes 30 to 60 minutes to get to school; I'll bring them in first thing tomorrow morning. Plus all my other errands, like bringing my library books back. I feel like I've revised this thing to death! And Anne and Gail Scott have been very useful with some last minute info. So fun to have writers alive around you with internet connection! :-)

My meeting with Andrew and Lianne went well. They had some things to point out and Lianne had corrected my intro and conclusion. Lianne sent me an extremely flattering email last night in which she says that I should feel good about my thesis because it is very good. That brought tears to my eyes. It's funny because such a compliment will affect me, and then I'll kind of go numb. I haven't yet realized that I'm finished, I suppose.

I chatted a long while with Andrew, a lot about US Universities I might want to apply to for my PhD. He was bringing up, other than U of Chicago and Duke, Yale, Harvard, Columbia, Stanford, and North Western. Those types, the ones you hear about in movies but would never actually ever have the pretension of thinking that you might be a student there. So I asked him if he really thought I stood a chance applying to these top-notch schools and he answered yes. If I have well enough grades and good GRE scores (he seemed confident of my thesis & my letters of reference, which is good because he'll de asked to write one!), it might be easy for me to get in. Plus, administration might play on my team. Since 9/11, the US has been very strict in giving out student visas, especially to Arab countries. Meanwhile, Universities have international student quotas to fill. As a Canadian, I would be a good "safe" international student candidate. Plus my French name sounds foreign. So my ugly French Québécois name and US (over-)protectionism might just play in my favor. Sucks for Arabs though, and goes to show how the rich stay rich and the poor stay poor. Anyway, all that to say that this blog may never end because it might very well become the never-ending doctoral thesis! :-)

Now, I'm tired again. And I'm hoping that Anik will be able to give me another acupuncture treatment because my right arm has started hurting a bit again.

one last meeting

2005-08-29T10:56:00.000-04:00

I'm wroking on my bibliography. Yesterday I finished my preliminary pages: title, jury, dedication, acknowledgements, etc.
From 12:30 to 3, I am meeting with Lianne and Andrew. I haven't heard from Andrew since the beginning of the summer and I have no idea if he thinks my thesis is crap or OK. So I'm a bit nervous. I would like to hand it in tomorrow... So I'm really hoping he doesn't ask me to rewrite several paragraphs... I don't have much energy left and I'm looking forward to handing it in. What an exhilirating feeling that will be!! :-) I can hardly believe I'm so close to the end.....

Last Wednesday, Ben took me out for supper to celebrate the completion of my writing. We went to Les Saveurs on Laurier. It's a French bring-your-own-wine (a wonderful Quebec restaurant concept!). It was lovely.

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT

2005-08-24T14:07:00.000-04:00

I just wanted everybody to know that I just finished writing my conclusion, which means that the writing of my thesis is now done!
:-D

theneverendingnovel

2005-08-24T09:15:00.000-04:00

I got an email from Anne last night. She's working on her third novel and mentioned that maybe she should have a blog of her own: theneverendingnovel.
Cute :-)
And an interesting idea...

conclusion writing

2005-08-24T09:04:00.000-04:00

I’m writing the conclusion and I’m feeling rather dry. I’m a bit afraid of writing something that contradicts my premises.
I’ve always hated conclusion. As I’ve always hated titles. Luckily, the title came to me a while ago and I’m sticking to it! It is:
What Language is This?
A Study of Abjection in Djuna Barnes’s Nightwood and Anne Stone’s Hush
Maïté wrote me encouraging email at the beginning of the week saying that it took her a week to write a 4 page conclusion.
Even Pierre wrote me an email: “A conclusion? Do we need one of those?”

Conclusions are meant to wrap up, so a short overview of what you’ve written. So that would include for me a wrap up on what is abjection, how do we find it in texts and how do Barnes’s and Stone’s texts express it.
Then, an opening into further research on the matter. Where I’m planning on addressing the questions Andrew has already asked me at our last meeting.

Which reminds me, our last meeting is Monday. I’ll deposit sometime early next week. Hopefully there won’t be any major changes. I’m already running very low on steam.

Anik gave me an acupuncture session last night to realign the energy in my right arm (since I’ve been abusing of it of late). It feels really weird now, like it belongs to someone else.

And I’m listening to Jack Johnson. I can’t concentrate at writing so well when music is playing, but he’s being very relaxing to my mind right now. Whatever works!

It’s almost finished…

Roses & rabbits

2005-08-21T08:15:00.000-04:00

The most disturbing analogy of Roses and rabbits is the terrible sensuality she sees in their skinning, her skinning, as if it were a game of seduction. This is made manifest when August recounts, after she asks him to, how he would skin her. As he describes the steps he would take, Roses, disheveled with drink and desire, holds herself to avoid falling into “some empty space just under the sky” (Stone 31). She enjoys this “fairy tale telling” (Stone 31). Meanwhile, it strikes the reader as an incestuous ritual of his consumption of her. This scene is disturbing for two reasons, the first being its incestuous overtone. J. Hillis Miller writes that, “Since the taboo against incest is absolutely universal, in the sense that there are no human cultures without it, it is natural to the human species, not cultural. On the other hand, it is a distinguishing feature of human, as against animal, societies, so it must be defined as cultural” (73). This means that though the taboo of incest is disturbing, it is essentially indefinable. Also, August is a father-figure, but not her father, therefore on what grounds do we call incest? At the same time, Roses is the one who expresses desire, and not so much August. In Hush, the definition of incest and its performers exist as unfocused conceptions, which causes for the reader unsettling ambiguity. Second, their game of seduction is expressed through the retelling of a violent and gruesome act, to skin alive, that only the most sadistic could possibly enjoy. It joins the morbidity of death (and killing) to the sensuality of the body (and pleasure): the corpse to desire. Theirs is a repugnant rapport where the body becomes a wound, and where the very act of being lacerated becomes an expression of desire. Their rapport is confronting to the reader not only because it conveys many levels of ambiguity, but also because desire is expressed as suffering, as a crying-out from deep under the skin; it is desire soused in abjection.

on the road again

2005-08-21T07:41:00.000-04:00

I worked 12 hours straight yesterday and I'm still not done. But I only have 1 or 2 paragraphs to write and then my conclusion to chapter 4. And then my conclusion. Plus revision work for Maïté and Lianne, and then I must write my abstracts in English and in French. And then revise the chapters Lianne commented and get everything to Andrew ASAP. And, I'd really like to try to make it out for Dom's baby shower...

something mentioned in Hush

2005-08-20T17:29:00.000-04:00

Is it true that when a woman hangs herself, her vagina falls out of her body and hangs between her legs?

I'm really curious to know.
And have no idea how to proceed with a google search on that one.

vomit, shit and corpses

2005-08-17T09:38:00.000-04:00

Seems like these are recurring themes throughout my MA.

As I was saying...

Kristeva cites vomit, refuse and corpses as physical examples of abjection, and though she does not relate these precisely to abject literature, it is interesting to note their existence in these novels. For example, Roses vomits when she cannot remember the dream she had the night before. Her body physically and violently expulses the abject-object. Her dream brings her close to it, her awakening pushes it away and her body rejects it through the act of vomiting. This reflex is also triggered when she is being raped. Like anger, what Roses cannot swallow, she throws up. Whitley finds a relation between excrement and the construction of self and history in Nightwood. She states that the process of rejecting the excremental, rendering it external and Other to ourselves, and which is essentially a vital part of life, exemplifies the being’s process of construction through the inclusion of some matter and the exclusion of other. Likewise, the formation of identity is based on what we include and what we exclude, what we decide we are and are not. According to her, Barnes would be using excremental elements in her text to show that identity may include what is considered exterior and strange (Whitley 93). And while Jane Marcus claims that Nightwood is filled with references to bird droppings (especially in relation to Jenny, I would add), the most prevalent physical example of abjection in both novels is the corpse.

and onwards....

working on 4

2005-08-16T13:47:00.000-04:00

I just finished the first part, on love, loss and holes, of my 4th chapter. Next: violence and death. Hopefully I can finish that today and then I'll just have animal versus human to do tomorrow. And then I'm done!!! Well, almost done. I still need to get feedback from Lianne and Andrew (and give them some time to read it), get it proof-read by Victor, write the conclusion, spiff up some parts, bibliography, etc etc etc.

The nerve in my right arm is starting to hurt. Not fun. I think I'll ask Anik to do a few acupuncture séances on me to reestablish my energies. I sense that at the end of all this, my energies (or yin, however you want to call it) will be completely out of whack!

3 down, 1 to go!

2005-08-14T12:54:00.000-04:00

It's been hard work, but I finally finished my third chapter. And no wonder it was so excruciating, the thing's 34 pages long! All that amassed in 3-4 days! (OK, OK, also with at least a week and a half of hard work done last summer.)

I have assembled the whole thing and it counts 75 pages, which means I have 20 pages to allot to my last chapter - not so bad - and 5 pages to my conclusion. So that's the work I have to do this week. And I am meeting Lianne on Wednesday. I haven't heard much from her in a while and not a word from Andrew, so I'm a bit insecure seeing that I don't know yet if I'm going in a direction that's all wrong or not. I work with the fear that one of them will come up to me and say, 5 days before I hand it in because I'm so late now, that this is not good, and this needs to be reworked, and where's the abjection?? I work with this fear and do my best to feign it off while I try to concentrate on what's left to do. I also have to start thinking about looking for a job. Ben would say not to think about that now, only concentrate on my MA.

Last Thursday night I went to Cyrille's place for a 5 à 7 (ending at 11) with some friends. Was it ever nice to see people and think about something other than my thesis! When all this is done, I am having an absolutely HUGE party.

feeling down

2005-08-10T12:48:00.000-04:00

I'm collaging. Using what I wrote last summer. Tedious work that can be quick if it weren't so tedious.
There are times when I feel like I should just stop writing. Stop it all.
And I often wonder if all the "great stuff" I'm writing is actually great or just a whole lot of b.s.
When I feel like this the only reasons why I continue are: sheer stubborness, Lianne, who's given me so much of her time, and Ben, who at times believes in me more than I do.

Time for some stubborness to quick in.

to write a chapter in 3 days is a total joke!

2005-08-09T18:33:00.000-04:00

Especially when the mind needs a bit of rest from the chapter it just finished.

Chapter 3 is narrative. Not the same as chapter 2. Abjection is not expressed similarly in syntax as in the various narrative elements. So a revision and a re-positioning was necessary. Necessary but costly as far as time is concerned. I'm trying not to think about time too much because then I'll just be too stressed. My dépôt is on the 23rd. I have 14 days left.

I've been ploughing through narrative: plot, character and the end. I'm at character now and must figure out a way to condense in 3 or 4 paragraphs what I wrote in 40 pages last summer. Then on to Anne. I'll do that after supper. Now I'll be taking a little break...

can't sleep

2005-08-05T01:04:00.000-04:00

I rented and watched "Bring it on," a movie highly recommended by my U of M Eng. Lit crew: Foxy Roxy, Bad Boy Pete, Super Steve (AKA The Machine, AKA SS) and Daddy'O Burrd'O. It was OK. I was expecting a bit more. I had always wanted to be a cheerleader, but my mother forbade it because according to her it was a sport of prostitution. I've yet to meet a cheerleader who became a prostitute, but I'm sure there's one somewhere. Anyhow, I digress. The next movies on my to-watch list: Tomb Raiders, Dirty Dancing 2 - Havana Nights and Legally Blonde 2. Aahhh... the movies that rest our tired old brains...

I finished my second chapter tonight. Missed out on a meeting with Jérôme. Luckily for me, my friends are very understanding and forgiving when I call them an hour before our rendez-vous to cancel. But my second chapter is done! Half down, half to go. I wonder if I'll be able to finish chapter 3 in three days. That would be great. I also hope I'll be able to spend a bit of quality time with Ben this weekend. He's been leaving earlier to go to his new job. It's been a week and I feel I hardly see him.

Victor has agreed to proofread my thesis. I'm debating sending it to him when it's all done or sending the half that's done now. I finally understand why the "acknowledgements" page in scholarly books tend to be so long: it takes so many more people than just the "author" to pull something like this off.

The weather is getting hot and humid again. I love my A/C! :-D It was well worth the debt it has caused me on my credit card.

those who travel 100 miles believe that 90 miles is only halfway

2005-08-04T10:44:00.000-04:00

A Japanese saying.
Right now, out of 100 I'm at about 60 and feel like I'm at 20.
Anyhow, the Japanese are insightful when it comes to work...

I have finished my Djuna section of my second chapter. My close-reading is, of course, longer than I first expected. I was afraid at first that I wouldn't have enough written. Knowing myself as I should by now, I should know that my problem will most likely be a thesis that will end up being 30 pages longer than it should be and then I'll have to truncate and edit away for an extra 2 weeks. Knock on wood. I have 6 pages on Djuna and, rough draft, only 3 on Anne. My work for today is to revise Anne, spiff up the intro to her section, add abjection everywhere to focus my argument and show how every paragraph relates to abjection and write a conclusion to the chapter. Then start chapter 3.

I told Ben that I wanted 2, 3 and 4 to be done by the end of next week. He replied that if I succeed, I'm really good.

My head hurts again. And my right wrist is starting to hurt like it did when I finished my CD-Rom project at the end of my undergrad. The pains of school! :)

As I was working on Djuna yesterday, I kept hearing Lianne's voice in my head saying, "How does this relate to abjection? Where is your thesis in each paragraph? Relate this to your thesis. How does this paragraph focus on abjection?" I think she has succeeded in haunting me, but in a good way, of course. I realize as I write that even if my sentences sound more and more English, my early education has me structure texts in a very French way. In French, you are not expected to re-write your thesis in every paragraph. An argument implies your thesis. And where you put that thesis-sentence is also rather specific. If it's at the end of the paragraph it's like it's appended, so not an integral part of the argument. So many little things... So as Andrew helps me with the English language, enlightening me to the fact that "such as" is rather French and that "as is" is more English ("Dam 'tel que'! How did that get in there?"), Lianne is helping me with the English narrative of essay writing. I always felt lucky to have two directors that complement each other so well, and as I go I keep learning how well they complement each other.

still on chapter 2

2005-08-02T09:09:00.000-04:00

I met with Lianne and Andrew on Friday. Andrew seems to like what I have so far. He's corrected a few mistakes - I think he can't resist doing so. Of course, I appreciate any corrections. I still have some mods and fine-tuning to do to chapter 1, but I'll get back to that. I must pursue chapter two. I've selected a section from Djuna's first chapter to "close-read." I also want to do the same with a bit of dialogue from the second-to-last chapter. The "words" I think I'll be examining are "bow down" from N and "turn the wrong end of the gun" from H. I also brought up to Lianne and Andrew that I might be interested in doing a PhD, but only if I get a scholarship. I'm not interested in working & studying part-time again as I did throughout my MA. They said it would be possible, especially if I go to the States. Plus, my bilingualism and my "foreign" Canadian status could help me get into comparative Lit departments. I've started looking at universities situated in or near cities where Ben can be transferred. I have found two of interest. We'll see... First things first, and first comes a strong MA thesis. Unfortunately, I really don't feel like working today. I know what's to so, but today I rather just crawl back to bed. One day, some day, this self-discipline will pay off...

BTW, Ben started his new job yesterday and it seems to suit him quite well. I'm happy for him. He's been dressing up, looking very fine :)

chapter 2

2005-07-26T14:41:00.000-04:00

The second chapter is meant to be a study of the language of both novels on the lexical and syntactic levels. I've already done a bit on Anne, and it's OK. I've been going over what I wrote last summer on Djuna and it's not OK. I wrote an entire chapter on the psychoanalytical make-up of all the main characters in _Nightwood_, which means that the whole thing is extremely theme based. I have nothing to base a language-formalist-close-reading type analysis on! So I went through all my notes, those of the theory articles I read pertaining to Djuna and my reading notes of the book, and nothing!
GGgrrrrrrrrr......

I would really like to try to get this chapter done by Friday, when I'm to meet with Lianne and Andrew. Which reminds me that I must send my intro & first chapter to Andrew. I hope he'll have time to read it.

I'm debating whether I should read _Nightwood_ again, for the umpteenth time. Or just look for examples in the book? There are some critics who compare the style of the novel to previous centuries, or past styles, etc etc. I wish I had that (very cannonical) literary background so that I could say "Well yes, the first chapter does recall a certain rococo style found in lyrical poetry of the 16th century with strong Saxon influences, but the remainder of the novel is much more Edwardian with a hint of Puritain melody. As for the last chapter, it is obviously influenced by late-19th century German Naturalism." Unfortunately, I know these terms for having heard them somewhere and have always been very bad at understanding how they apply to an author's style or literary concerns. I have been horrible at remembering which movements came when, even if I've been going over it all since cégep, and could never possibly analyze a novel that way. I prefer close-readings. There's just something that feels so much more tangible about them. But I do wish I could master the snooty jargon... 'cause then you just sound so much cooler...

So yeah, _Nightwood_. I'll start with simply finding passages that exemplify the rococo, and that can stand for the style in the overall (group of) paragraph(s). Plus read the Late Modernism text that Andrew suggested last summer and that I hadn't come around to reading yet. Maybe that'll help.

to ben

2005-07-22T17:36:00.000-04:00

The weather has cooled at last. I've been working in the kitchen all day on my abjection chapter, trying to bring the whole thing together. It's raining out and Virus and George are watching it at the window sill. And music is playing. Amélie. You hate this soundtrack so I'm listening to it while you're gone. And I am lusciously alone. I might drink a bit of wine tonight if you bring some home, and keep working. And I realize how very lucky I am to be doing this. Thank you.

sound advice

2005-07-20T22:00:00.000-04:00

I mentioned to Lianne today that I'm trying to watch my carbs intake.
She then suggested that I consider putting off any form of dieting until my thesis is done, seeing that my body will need the nourishment.

:-D
Now isn't that great advice?

accouchement

2005-07-20T20:15:00.000-04:00

I got a call at 5:30 this morning. Stéphane was informing us that Maïa had lost her waters and that her contractions had begun. I haven't heard from them since and hope everything is OK.

As Maïa labours to deliver her baby, I spend my first evening (so after Ben comes home from work) on my iBook, writing away. I'm working on my first chapter and it's going well. Following is an excerpt of what I'm doing, the dialogues going on in my brain:

“If it be true that the abject simultaneously beseeches and pulverizes the subject, one can understand that it is experienced at the peak of its strength when that subject, weary of fruitless attempts to identify with something on the outside, finds the impossible within; when it finds that the impossible constitutes its very being, that it is none other than abject. The abjection of self would be the culminating form of that experience of the subject to which it is revealed that all its objects are based merely on the inaugural loss that laid the foundations of its own being. There is nothing of the abjection of the self to show that all abjection is in fact recognition of the want on which any being, meaning, language, or desire if founded” (Kristeva, 5).

==> In the English version of Kristeva’s text, the word ‘want’ is translated from the French ‘manque.’ As a French speaker, I find this translation to be questionable. ‘Manque’ can be interpreted as ‘want,’ but a closer definition to the noun would be ‘lack.’ I prefer this term not only because I find it a more natural translation, but also because the word ‘want’ signifies the action of desiring. If the subject’s objects are based on the inaugural loss, I believe the recognition of the basis of its being, of meaning, language and desire should not be infused such an active word, so closely related to desire. If all objects are based on loss, then all means of expressing and knowing these objects are based in the result of loss: lack.

==> In the process of reading these stories, hence of re-creating them for themselves, the reader is placed in a position of identifying with the text. The novels are no longer external medium but internalized situations, stories, places of being. It is by internalizing the abject story that the subject (reader) finds this “impossible within,” that this “impossible constitutes its very being.” The process of reading an abject novel causes the reader, through the internalization of the abject novel, to experience abjection of self. It is this experience, this expulsion of self expressed through the act of rejecting (yet after coming back to) the writing that constitutes the experience of reading the abject, or, in other words, abjection reading.

==> The act of rejecting the writing referred to here can be interpreted quite literally. As discussed in the Contemporary Montreal Women Writers class, the physical act of rejecting a piece of writing such as Nightwood, Hush or Scott’s My Paris has been done by either choosing not to read the book, changing one’s reading pattern by sporadically reading different chapters, reading the novel from end to beginning or by alternating reading it from the beginning and from the end until the centre is reached, or by simply throwing the book against a wall or the floor. I myself once reverted to the last option while reading Stein’s Tender Buttons.

one down, five to go

2005-07-19T16:25:00.000-04:00

I've just finished my intro. Now I must start working on my abjection chapter. Mostly rearranging some of what I wrote last summer, and expanding some. I'll be seeing Lianne tomorrow and she's to tell me what she thinks of what I've written so far. I have a meeting with her and Andrew next Friday. I *should* have three more chapters done by then. I really really hope this is not wishful thinking.

The heat wave persists. At least today there's a breeze. I tried buying an A/C yesterday. When we unpackaged it we saw that it was damaged. Corbeil Électroménagers can't even bring me a new one before Thursday, unless I want to pay an extra $35 for a rush delivery today. Why is it that I must pay extra when they're the ones that sell me damaged goods? When I told the Corbeil guy that I was very disappointed by their service, I was honoured with a speech about what great service they offer!

Today is definitely a day to swear profusely and eat a whole lot of chocolate. I'm holding myself back from doing both. That's why this blog ends here.

i am ready to be in a spy movie!

2005-07-15T18:35:00.000-04:00

Seems that in every spy movie I've seen there's a journalist chick who's doing research on microfilm in a darkened back room of some library. Well after having spent part of the day doing just that (albeit in broad day light in an open space at the National Library of Quebec), I'm ready for the scripts! Bring'em on!

Anne had mentioned a (not-so-positive) Globe and Mail review of her book dating back 1999. For some reason, the Globe and Mail doesn't offer their archives online, which is why I had to spend some time at the library with a friendly librarian explaining to me how the whole process of viewing and then printing works. But I found what I was looking for. Any quote I can find pertaining to Anne can help me weight my argument. The Globe and Mail quote is to underline the eerie effect the book has. I'll be using it in my intro.

Speaking of which, I haven't worked on it yet. I'm a bit nervous. Now that I know where I'm going, and with such detail too, I'm feeling a bit nervous. Like I'm on the edge of the high board and I'm suppose to plunge (not just jump, or worse: bomb!) into the deep end. But then again, I must finish 4 chapters including my intro in the two next weeks, so I'm sure the stress of getting it done will have me diving off the board in a graceful swan-like fashion in a very short while...

it's coming along

2005-07-13T17:49:00.000-04:00

I met with Lianne today. I like meeting with her, our meetings are always so productive. I showed her what I've been working on and she thinks I'm on the right track. We've established an outline for my thesis that I think will work very well. I have a good sense of where I'm going and what needs to be done. By this week-end I must finish my the first draft of my intro and send that to Lianne. In two weeks time I should have completed my first three chapters and send that to both Lianne and Andrew. I must write to Andrew within the next few days to show him my outline & al. By mid-Aug. I should have my final chapter and my conclusion done. Then allow a bit of time for Lianne and Andrew to read and critique and I to rework whatever needs to be modified. By the end of August I'll submit :-)

(I sometimes daydream about how wonderful it would be if I could finish this work sooner than later, and then I could take a bit of time to write other stuff than essay work...)

I am hot! hot! hot!

2005-07-12T11:41:00.000-04:00

That title is meant to be truthful and sarcastic. Truthful because it is still very hot today. I think I'll be heading on to the library this afternoon so that I don't end up in whatever-the-state-I-was-in-last-evening this evening. Notice how yesterday I swore for the first time in my blog? :) Yes, it was done in French just because the religious aspect of Québécois-French swearing just makes it feel all the more sacred.

Onwards. Sarcastically because as I write my exercise for Lianne (that's really rather starting to look like the skeleton of my thesis), I realize the somewhat pretension of mine to write on an author who's yet to be explored by a bunch of other people who already have their PhDs. Man oh man! With Barnes I can just pluck quotations and "serious" names just like that, out of serious journals. I can write 'so-and-so thinks..." and "this-and-that mentions" and "so it can be concluded that..." But no, not with Stone. I must make everything up all by myself. And you cynical ones out there might be thinking, "Duh, isn't that what writing an MA's all about?" But I tell you "No! It isn't!" Actually, I'll confess something... I am a real good student. Always have been. A nerd, if you will. Well, I admit that the very first time I ever presented a book to class without having read it first was during my MA. And I got an A in the class! After this fake presentation I went down to the pub to have a beer and was explaining this to a few fellow students, feeling rather sucky and guilty. Then this one guy looks at me surprised and says, "It was the first time? I never read whole books! What's the use? You just scan over the titles, read a few interesting bits, maybe the beginning and end of a few paragraphs and that's all. Seriously, do you think anybody could finish grad school if we were all reading the entirety of all the books we're supposed to read? No way!" So there you go. There are techniques to writing a grad essay that you pick up along the way and I being the "I'm so hot I will write on writterly novels one of which I'll be the first to explore" have just realized that I've stabbed my foot with a fork. It's a beautiful novel, it really is. But my job is all the more difficult for it. And, seriously, which grad student (and prof for that matter) actually has the luxury to take time to actually think...

rant

2005-07-11T17:37:00.000-04:00

It's really hot again. Blinds stay down / pulled and the fan is a constant companion, pushing warm air my way with the hopes that it'll relieve me from this heat. My mind starts wandering, again, to places I might go where I might be more comfortable. My thighs stick to my chair. My skin is a new brand of adhesive.

And now my thoughts have run out and I don't even have the feeling that I've worked enough, or well enough. Trying to decide how to work out the abject-ness of narrative, in comparison to sentences and themes. Lianne once told me that I should take full advantage of my time, that I should see this as an opportunity to enter into discussion with two books I much admire. To see writing this thesis like allowing myself to partake of another world. All this I try to remind myself when I sit down and write. The "need" to get it done gets in the way. So does frustration with words. Why does it sometimes take so long for thought to materialize into words, to be put down on paper and that's that? Barthes saying that what is not written in pleasure cannot be read with pleasure. Bleeuurrggg to Barthes!

ostie qui fait chaud.

What is abjection and how can a novel be considered abject?

2005-07-08T21:55:00.000-04:00

Abjection is a state of insecurity. More precisely, it is the affect of the state of insecurity.

Kristeva uses examples such as vomit, refuse, corpses, and the repulsion of milk to explain the physicality of abjection. It would be a part of you that you cannot accept as you. What you always and forever violently reject from yourself. This rejection is repeated every time this non-object is encountered.

As far as literature is concerned, Kristeva considers horror & terror to be the manifestation of abjection. Yet then she says that we should not rely solely on a book’s thematics. Her elaborations about abject authors and why they are so are puzzling.

I am interested in how abjection is expressed in the Word, the way a story is communicated.

Abjection is a border. An ambiguity. Ambiguity meaning that which has double (or more) meanings. A language that can multiply meanings in the mind of its readers. This multiplicity engages more than just themes, it is at the very core of the story(ies), of the narrative(s). Also, these meanings do not imply simply seeing things one way or another; they imply a meaning that attracts and fascinates yet due to its potential horror/terror it also repulses. The reader wonders “Is this what the author means?” and then answers herself “No, it can’t be! … Can it?” That doubt attracts. It keeps the reader reading, even if she is reading on the verge of repulsion.

A way of creating such ambiguity is to have meaning articulate itself in the gaps of the narrative, in its silences. The “not said” tells of the “possibly said.” Different writing techniques are used to express silences, or to conceal them. Barnes does this with an excess use of words. This excess, this too much, this “trop c’est comme pas assez” brings the reader full circle to a land void of a straightforward meaning. She does this not only in O’Connor’s dia/monologues, which are well renowned for their excesses, but also in her descriptions of places and characters. This fanfare of words dizzies the reader, or confounds them. Caught in a thick jungle of words, the reader searches for meaning while haunted by a sneaky suspicion that it lurks in the trees above, behind the next frond, staring back at her. At the same time, her characters drop words of a story that are just enough to keep the reader guessing, so to keep them strangely interested in this text.

Stone uses an entirely different technique. She interrupts meaning at the sentence level, which then works its way up, so to speak. Her sentences are fragmented. They sometimes stop where they shouldn’t and at other times they begin where they should be continuing another one. These fragments serve to change meaning through a type of repetition, by placing emphasis and by re-wording. A sense, a meaning is there. The reader feels it, but doesn’t (and sometimes cannot) precisely know it. This technique has the reader continually plunging into voids trying to grasp meaning, like plunging into a sea and then coming up for air and wondering if she saw correctly under the surface. With the next plunge and the next resurfacing, the reader tries to make sense of the meaning grasped, tries to plug the meanings into a coherent narrative that can be understood.

Of course, the abject of these authors goes beyond words and sentences, but I’ll think about that tomorrow…

The silences of both books hint at an underlining violence, or, to put it in more romantic terms, a seeping and unmentionable darkness. Here is where the abjection of a novel comes to be seen as abject on a psychoanalytical level. It recalls in the reader a primary knowledge that can be felt or glimpsed at but is always and forever forgotten. Already, the impression of having forgotten what was known makes the reader insecure.

I’ll need to revise Kristeva’s psychoanalytical bit before applying it to these novels. That I will also do tomorrow...

the pee is done

2005-07-07T13:49:00.000-04:00

I've just finished it. It took me two weeks and a day. Grant it, there were 2 national holidays in there, but it still took me way too long.
Result = 38 pages of notes.
Now I eat, shower, print out these pages. When that's done I start working on Lianne's exercise. I'm hoping to work Saturday as well. I'm getting a gum graft tomorrow so I'm not too sure how prone to work I will be. Pain is usually a inefficient incentive. I'll keep my fingers crossed.
When I was working and studying I was a machine. I impressed myself with my discipline. Now, I'm much more of a slacker. It's annoying. And my production isn't what it was. Maybe the way I used to work was insane, but it's hard to believe that that's a bad thing considering how productive I was.
Anyway, 'nough said.
Lunchtime.

is it horrible to say that I like her rape scene?

2005-07-04T18:24:00.000-04:00

I'm at the rape scene in _Hush_ and must decide what to make of it. Today is also the date of Karla Homolka's release from prison and her moving into a neighborhood that's a bus ride away from my place. What with my work, newspaper headlines and my own curiosity (or web-surfing procrastination, as you wish), my head is now filled with rape.

The first time I read the rape scene in _Hush_ I was... confused? It seemed to happen so un-expectantly. Out of nowhere. And I couldn't make it out. Who? Where exactly? Why? Just 'cause they're a bunch of hicks? That and her words that pop out of the text, incomprehensible though they seem to be hiding some special meaning: macadam, jimmies, slough. So English-English and incomprehensible to eyes accustomed to a watered-down version of plain English. But it's more than just the words.

walking after midnight, searching for you

Time caught in a song. The words of it dragged out in the drops of rain. Not seeing straight because of it, and maybe not hearing straight. Violence - voler/violer - forced on your body while the mind tries to make sense of it.

Lianne mentioned in class that Roses stages her own rape, and so confuses normative narrative causality. Yet reading this passage over again, I'm not so sure of that. She wishes she had her skinned-rabbit dress on so that she may shame them once gone, but wouldn't that simply be to make something useful, even educational, of the violence inflicted on her body? Like an after-thought of it. Roses knows she could've avoided the rape. Those 'jimmies' could've turned on the lineman if she would've played her silence well. But she couldn't swallow her anger. At least, she couldn't swallow it on time. That's what led them on. Like fire feeding fire.

Recounting another narrative to Ben of Karla's crimes, he interrupts me to say that he really doesn't care about her and that he doesn't understand it/them/that anyways.
"And with Patsy singing so loud she can only see their lips moving, can't hear what they say. No, she is deaf. There is her, and Patsy singing, and she'd be moving her lips to the song, maybe, but for the pull at the roots of her hair, his fist coiled in her hair and pulling her at him, like that. But that's okay, she says. She's just wishing she'd worn the dress she'd worn for Junior, the one that skins her open that way, so that she could shame them gone" (Stone, 132-33).
It's that "but that's OK" that struck me when I first read this passage, precisely because I understood the it, them and that, and the "but that's okay" said (maybe even repeated) to convince, to render banal.

Steve is working on prison writing. Working like a madman to get his Phd thesis finished this summer. And now I understand how mad he might be becoming, because I really wouldn't want to stay in this place for months on end. Her rape scene is frightfully precise, which makes for beautiful writing, but I wouldn't want to stay in it for months.

an excerpt from _Hush_

2005-07-02T08:51:00.000-04:00

Forword:

I've decided to share this passage with you, with Anne's permission, because I find this passage in her book breathtakingly beautiful. I hope you enjoy it as well.

Excerpt:

Roses pictured Loralie lying on the bed, wrapping herself in rope-white sheets when sleep came on her, seeping into the skin like warm water. Her lips full, swollen. August, dowsing her with his tongue, the lapsing shape of her hips, until he positions them, just so. And the words, suddenly Roses knows the words, as she pictures Loralie.

Loralie, legs parted in a V, eyes slit open, whispers softly, pulling at one, two, of August's fingers, sliding them inside of her and softly, so softly: "How am I shaped here?" But it was impossible to measure this pleating swell, so what could he say? That her sex was incomprehensible. That it wasn’t square or round or oblong. That the passage passed nowhere and everywhere at once, depending on how you looked at it. That to tell her the shape of her sex would be telling her the shape his mind took when he passed into her, and how choke-cherries were tart, and how a cut was when you drew off the blood. It'd be telling her about every other place he'd ever been but that one. What could he tell her but, “Loralie, darling, you can’t think like that, you can’t spend your time thinking like that.”

Spent time. No, that’s the way she can’t think. She can’t think about spent time at all. Not that way. And she’d turned to him, picturing this bed and the next, picturing how men got themselves spent and how it ruined the sheets or them or both, or so they said, and about how money got spent, but not so much on her, and about all the beds she’d already laid in and all the beds she would be laid in and all that time, and Loralie said, shaking her head against it, “Let's just say time spends me that way.”

from _Hush_ by Anne Stone (47-48)

'shape' as signified

2005-06-30T10:39:00.000-04:00

Shape and hole are signifiers, but if you think about it their signified is quite hard to grasp. Especially for shape. Maddie is looking for a shape that will restore her. Rudimentary shapes. But what is a shape? It isn’t a space. It can be a thing, but with the number of “things” out there we’d be hard put to find which one (which might precisely be Maddie's dilema). Or maybe many things of the same shape? Or maybe just the way something is supposed to be? A shape containing an idea and/or a structure. Something tangible that one can put one’s finger around, hold and feel.

If a crazy woman is searching for a shape to redeem her, “who’s bare insistence will restore her” (Stone, 8), how are we to think of “shape”? Something you can hold but that won’t hold you. That will cause her to be recognized, the her inside her skin. Except, to herself, or to others?

“At market, shapes sound through her fingers. (…) Measured and marked, the butcher passes the shape. The pound, just so” (Stone, 9). The weight of shape, and the shape of weight.

holes & etc

2005-06-29T17:50:00.000-04:00

There are three main types of holes in _Hush_. The first type encompasses many would-be holes that can be figured out if read attentively enough and/or read more than once. These holes vary in their subtlety, hence are subject to different levels of difficulty. The next type of hole consists of the nucleus of trauma that affects Roses, Loralie and Maddie, though she's not as important a character as far as holes are concerned. These holes are never said but always ever pointed at. In the life of Roses and Loralie, these holes are the fountainhead from which the other holes spew. This trauma-hole has caused, primarily, psychical scaring in Roses and physical scaring on Loralie. The next type would be Love, Roses's aborted monsterhead twin whose existence in the narrative punctures it, causing a hole in what we're reading.

I haven't looked at _Nightwood_ in a while, but my sense is that its holes are much more covered up - or rather, the violence and trauma that exist in the narrative are covered up in speech rather than hidden in the gaps of language & structure, making it more difficult to overread. Barnes hides her holes deep in the night and though she might bring it up at times, might allow Nora to speak of it, she never lets us guess at it. It dare not speak, and it dare not abstain from speech. It sits in a no-man's-land.

***********

I met with Lianne today. Of my pee there remains 50 pages to do. After that I will do an "exercise" that Lianne has suggested: to write ten pages for each novel on what I find abject in it. It's to help me focus, and to start writing. It should be done by mid-July, so in two weeks. I'll forward it to her and Andrew, see what they think and take it from there.

I figure that there are three ways to look at abjection in a novel. The first is to do what I've already done with Barnes and that is to analyse the characters and to elaborate each of their psychoanalytical make-up, unveiling how they are, as "people," abject. The second way is to study the psychoanalytical make-up of the novel as its own identity, incorporating that of the characters in a limited way. The third way is to concentrate on themes in the novel that portray border, ambiguity and the essence of what is abject. Of these three ways, I prefer the second, leaning towards the novel's structure and syntax to explain its abjection. I would also incorporate a thematic element in order to enter into discussion with theorists who have previously examined these same themes, especially with regards to Barnes.

I realize as I go that the process of writing a long piece, be it a novel or an MA thesis, consists of writing a lot of stuff that will end up as excess, stored away with the other things you seem to think you know. A hundred page thesis involves much more writing than 100 pages, which most people don't seem to realize and which you do only when you're doing it. Up until now, I must have written down at least four times that in notes and unusable "chapters" and I'm nowhere near finishing...

early morning wake-up

2005-06-28T07:47:00.000-04:00

I've been working on _Hush_ and thinking very much about holes. Holes in narratives and in people and in spaces. And Loralie saying how men are obsessed with making holes, and how they are almost as obsessed with filling them. Potholes and such, but also holes in women. And how what's best is when a man can make and fill a whole at once. These narratives have holes in them to demarcate the place of violence, of trauma. And as I work and think and live within the idea of these holes, some men start ripping up the street in front of my place. I was wondering yesterday "Why? They repaved the whole stretch of it two years ago." To which Ben answered that they're putting in gas lines, like they've been doing on Sherbrooke, leaving a gash in the street for the past month or two now. "But why gas? Isn't that really expensive?" He says natural gas isn't but for having heated with natural gas before, I don't believe him. Standing at the window gazing at the machines making these holes, amazed at them and standing there admiring. Meanwhile, naked and tangled in my own white sheets, I'm thinking of Loralie and of holes and I'm swearing over the racket. What's the idea of making so much noise at 7:30 in the morning? With this heat and now this noise that forces the windows closed, I'll have to start thinking of finding some other place to work during the day. Damn hole-makers.

st-jean, a provincial national holiday

2005-06-24T17:12:00.000-04:00

To make my way to page 65 in a day was ambitious. I omitted giving the details of my progression because I thought that I majorly sucked!

Three days later and I'm at page 77. Which is OK. These things always take so much longer than expected.

It's the St-Jean and I haven't been outside of my apartment in 2 days. Then people ask me if I find it hard working on my thesis during summer time. My answer: I am good at living in denial. At my desk, it can be January or raining out all year long. When I was a kid I had read a book called _I never promised you a rose garden_. It's the only book I read twice as a teenager. It was about a 14 year old girl who was crazy and institutionalized. Her sickness fascinated me. In the month of July, the land in her head would be in winter and she would be freezing and shivering constantly. Well, though I have not yet attained a total contradiction in body vs outside temperatures, I can sometimes be completely oblivious to heat, sunshine and the passing of beautiful days. Like today. Like yesterday. To relax I read the second half of _War of the worlds_. I did that last night while most of our friends went out to an after-hours party. I worked today. Funny how I fight it while an underlying desire in me pushes me to finish. I don't understand it. I'm no longer master of parts of myself. Bet you never thought writing an MA thesis could do that, ey?

Tomorrow night we have supper with Maîté & Fred. She wrote me an email saying how she's of late only kept in touch with me through my blog. I had forgotten that some people, some friends, actually read this thing and am always a bit stunned when I find out that they do. She referred to me as the Bridget Jones for intellectuals. Yup! That's me! And from now on I shall keep an introductory log of the cigarettes I smoke, the alcoholic beverages I drink and the minutes spent procrastinating surfing the net. I'll leave the calories and weight to Bridget. Besides, when I moved out of my folks' place I made a point of not buying a scale.

plan d'action

2005-06-22T09:44:00.000-04:00

I was supposed to meet Lianne on Monday but had nothing to show her so I cancelled our appointment. That she may be disappointed in me made me feel guilty, so I arranged a comfortable place to work on my balcony (a bit windy, but what a great view of Montreal! window gazing pales in comparison) and started hard at my pee. I worked very well, which relieved stress and had the effect of my working not so well yesterday. Relying on stress and feelings as motivators is annoying because they are never constant. And an MA thesis cannot be written overnight, even if Steve wrote his over a week-end, the thought of which highly annoys me, but I digress... I am starting to wonder if I'm a bit too "methodic" in my writing. Maybe I should just "let it flow" a bit more.

Ben has suggested that I make a schedule. I've decided that this blog will help - 'cause that's why I started it to begin with! So, for today: I am at page 35 and would like to 'pee' until page 60 (ideally 65). If I finish before I must leave, I may either go running or read, though reading seems more of an reward and I really should run 'cause last week's weather forced veg-ness on me and my body. I must leave at around 3:45 to pick up the McGill book from Lianne, and then must buy salad & salmon for supper tonight. Fabz is our guest.

I just called Maïa. No answer. Can't help wondering if she's in labor. If so, I prioritize seeing the kids face over work! My God, a horrible thought... I sure hope this kid won't be born on the St-Jean, poor thing...

Writing an MA thesis...

2005-06-15T16:11:00.000-04:00

... is hard!

But I'm glad to share with you all that I have started my "pee" on _Hush_. For those who are unaware of the process of peeing, it was suggested to me by Chantal Nadeau during my undergrad and I have found it to be a very good method. To pee is to put on paper everything that comes to mind about a specific topic, theory, book and so on. To make sure I get everything down that might be useful for the final thesis-product, my pee process with _Nightwood_ & _Hush_ is to re-read the book, keyboard at hand. I note down everything that strikes me as interesting, page by page (or, rather, paragraph by paragraph). I also transcribe passages from the book that would be interesting quote material and, of course, elaborate on anything I wish, letting my mind wander with the hopes that some insightful thought will find its way on the page and after in my thesis. I then print out and re-read my notes and organize them by theme, that I then order into the first draft of the chapter in question. This process works well, but it is quite long when doing it in-depth, as I am, on such long and especially complicated novels.

Of late, my brain tires quickly.

Dear Lianne,

2005-06-13T10:15:00.000-04:00

I was thinking, in order to make the term abject clearer on a literary standpoint, to see the abject as "border," and to look at the borders that cause ambiguity, hence abjection, in these two books.

I will still want to incorporate a psychoanalysis, of sorts, of the characters mainly to differentiate between outcast and abject characters.

I will want to look at the writing, as well, and show how the effect of its ambiguous order causes a feeling of abjection for the reader. It is also, I believe, the gaps that can be found at/in these border-writings that cause jouissance, and make them writerly instead of readerly texts.

By looking at the abject as border, I feel it will be easier to touch upon certain themes such as the beast (the border between animal and human) and violence (the border between love and hate, and their kinds of sensualities). I would prefer examining themes that can be found in both books.

I realize that I need to have a few definite themes in mind while looking at these novels.

Céline & his night

2005-06-01T21:45:00.000-04:00

The novel takes place during the first world war. The main character is a soldier, one of the many who were sent to be slaughtered in the trenches. He realizes this. He hates the war. He doesn't see why he should be fighting it. The Germans never bothered him personally. He doesn't even like fighting. As a child he would avoid it. And now, for the sake of patriotism, he is sent to be slaughtered.

Luckily enough for the character, he is injured and is sent back to Paris while his health improves. He becomes a basket case, so to speak. He does his best to remain in "psychiatric" hospitals: better there than at war. His problem is fear. Doctors try to heal him of it and to inject into him a renewed patriotic fervor.

The night of this story is the bind in which the character lives: he must fight but can't, so he must avoid it while not being persecuted as a trator. A tricky predicament.

What is captivating about this novel is its sense of doom. As readers of 2005, we know that WW1 occured between 1914 and 1918. We know that it ended. This thought is comforting. Yet Céline never alludes to time, and this is the genious of his novel. We don't know what's taking place when. As a reader, it's securing to put a date to such a character's trials. If the narrative is set in 1915, we are aware that there is still so much time left to be recounted. If it is set in 1917-18, we know that the novel's doom is coming to a close. For a reader, such a sense of time is conforting. But seeing that Céline never specifies a date, the reader is stuck with the character in a time that seems like it will never end. When will the war end? We, as those who lived it at the time, don't know. This is how Céline pulls the reader into his night and keeps him/her there for as long as it must last.

mods to do on Djuna chapter

2005-06-01T11:26:00.000-04:00

Generally, it isn't as bad as I originally feared. But there are some weak points...

- The psychoanalytical make-up of the abject will need to be explained, though not as extensively as I might have originally thought.

- I'll need to describe in the chapter's intro that I will be looking at important points/themes that have been brought up by other theorists/critics, at the theme of abjection in the novel, meaning the psychoanalytical make-up of the various characters, and the particularities of the language used (what's abject about it).

- About previous point = themes & psycho. make-up down pat, the language thing still needs some work.

- Some of my paragraphs are weirdly written. I write passages from the texts or quotations and then, in a final sentence, state my point. This creates a blotchy style and is unclear to the reader. I'll have to rewrite then. First sentence being the statement, then back-up with text & quotes. I should make the whole writing a bit more fluid, even if that means I might be a bit wordier.

- I like the way I present the whole thing as portraits of the characters. Problem is that a reader who hasn't read the book might become a bit confused. I should therefore write (in the intro?) some kind of outline to the story, even if this makes the whole story sound linear. It's needed for clarity's sake. Especially with regards to Robin's relationships (her wandering - she is the only one in the novel who wanders from person to person, in this way she is the only one who moves).

- When I look at the notes I took during my last meeting with Lianne & Andrew, they seem to encourage me to write more about what has previously been done on abjection and this text, citing other theorists. I should maybe work on having a broader-view intro... I think the purpose of this is to set my work in time, so to speak. To place it among other works that have been done on this topic and to (try to) elude to the importance/originality of my work.

- Typos and weird sentence construction (duh).

- Stop using resume in the French way & other gallicisms (duh).

- As for writing more abou the writing, a problematic element is that it is somewhat chapter specific, and I deal with the characters cross-novel. Maybe try to pin-point one character to a chapter and then elaborate on how its written? Might be the most natural way of going about it...

- Revise the theory and make sure my claims of their psych. make-up is logical. Especially O'Connor + the role of the Law.

- Rearrange the part that deals with Guido Jr. It feels a bit "put there." Make one full chapter for him? Cut him out? Disperse him throughout the text?

- Some paragraphs don't seem to end properly. Weak final sentences. Reader is expecting something more, something more complete.

- The beginning of each section should explain, generally, the psycho. make-up and/or the role of of abjection in relation to the highlighted character. This should clarify the point and give the reader a better sense of direction within the essay.

anne on djuna

2005-05-26T21:14:00.000-04:00

Last summer I sent my first *email interview* to Anne Stone. I asked her if she had ever read Djuna's _Nightwood_ and, if so, what she thought of it. She replied that she had a few years before. She wrote that she liked how Djuna's book ends with Robin's *dance* with the barking/panting dog, saying that she appreciated how Djuna brought the reader where language cannot go.
I like that. :-)

In desperate need of address book help!

2005-05-26T18:41:00.000-04:00

Like you all know, I just got myself an iBook. I was on a PC before using Outlook. All my email addresses are, of course, in Outlook.
Please, someone tell me that there's an easier way to transfer my addresses from Outlook to my iBook without needing to manually transcribe them all!

Céline

2005-05-26T18:04:00.000-04:00

Kristeva first presents the psychoanalytical make-up of the deject, the one who suffers abjection. Fine.

She then goes into short analyses of representations of abjection in literature, its main cultural manifestation. She speaks of Artaud, Proust, Lautréamont and Joyce. I've only ever read Joyce. My cégep French lit classes shied away from the other authors, I guess, and I just never got around to _Un amour de swan_, even if I've owned it for the past few years. She then goes into an extensive study of Céline's work, another man I've meant to read yet have never gotten around to it.

She does say that abjection is not something that should be looked at and considered only as far as a book's thematics are concerned. Yet then she explains the themes of the abject work as being mostly concerned with horror. So I ask myself, which is it? And which to what extent?

After much searching throughout the city of Montreal, I have found and bought Céline's _Voyage au bout de la nuit_. Written as if spoken, it concurs with Blau DuPlessis's idea or writing as breaking the sequence. It also deals with the first world war and is essentially rather morbid and a bit depressing. His horror is not at all hushed. He describes it. He philosophies it (a French trait?). He truncates it, but his text is not inscribed with silences. But yes, the writing is changed and the theme is horror. Yes, yes.

(I've not read him before because he was anti-semetic, which made it feel a bit yucky...)

Barnes and Stone, on the other hand, and as I mentioned to Lianne in an email this week, seem both transcribed in an economy of silence. Barnes, through verbal garbage, extensive eloquence, parler pour ne rien dire pour, en fait, tout dire. Stone, on the other hand, avoids, plays with readers' expectations, conceals and lets you imagine what you wish. She does so by the very way she writes her sentences. Cut in weird places. Unfinished. Interrupted.

I asked Lianne if such an economy of silence would be a female trait. I hate bringing things back to gender. It feels so limiting. At the same time, I sometimes have the impression that it is very hard to avoid. Yet I am sure that if my authors were male, gender would not even be considered. (But of course, me being me, I would...) So much feminist work done on and about gender and female constructions of narrative, and here I go thinking it doesn't matter, or just really wishing really really hard that it wouldn't.

I'm reading Céline to get a better idea of what Kristeva was aiming at when she wrote _Pouvoirs de l'horreur_. I don't want to imitate her, but I do want to learn from the master, so to speak. I'm liking Céline. The *argot* is sometimes difficult to read. The greater good of it is to help me understand what I should be doing with my texts.

(Oh yeah, revising the work I did last summer made me realise that though it wasn't useless, most of it is not useful. So it's back to the drawing board for me, and the anxiety of needing to write...)

Apple Revolution!

2005-05-18T19:12:00.000-04:00

I'm writing this post on my brand new lovely iBook. It's white. It's beautiful. And it's mine! Plus, it's extra light, which is very important to me. It's actually lighter than most of my school books. It's lovely!!!

Right now I'm connected by network. I haven't figured out how to connect wireless-ly. I must get in touch with Pat and ask him how to do that.

I must say, this blogspot interface looks a bit different on a Mac. There are less features. How do I href a link? It's like my options have vanished. Is that what's in store for me? I must sacrifice some options in order to have a better and faster computer? Mmm...

As for school, the point is to be able to leave my apartment to work & write. I can now write my thesis in the park!
I've been re-reading Kristeva's work on abjection. I've also been realizing that a lot of the work I did last Fall, so where I left off, is not useless but not exactly useful either. I'm thinking I need to redirect my work a bit. More on that fun stuff later!
Now, I must make the supper. Hamburgers.
miaammmm :)

notes from methodology course notes

2005-05-16T10:51:00.000-04:00

Texts do not carry meaning. They merely provide clues to be used be readers in reconstructing the original meanings of writers.

Texts trigger meaning in the mind (schemata) of the reader = negotiation of meaning between text and reader = interactive process.

Reading comprehension is thus an interactive process between the reader and the text - the reader is required to fit the clues provided in the text to his/her own background knowledge.

What does this imply for experimental writing?
Notion of abjection?
If language carries no meaning but only triggers meaning, how does that apply to texts that seek to subvert meaning and/or narrative?

Language that has "no meaning": The confusion of deciphering the meaning causes the reader to continually renegotiate the meaning. The work becomes a continuous work-in-progress in the mind of the reader, which results in an "open-ended" text, a text with no closure. This is problematic because it opposes our internalized dichotomies, which in turn bothers most readers.

This leads me to two questions that, I think, imply notions of receptivity and readership:
1) Why do we read? What do we expect from it?
2) What, in the writing itself, makes reading difficult? In other words, what writing techniques are used to subvert meaning? More importantly to me, what are the techniques used by Djuna and Anne?

yes, it's been a while

2005-05-16T10:42:00.000-04:00

I've been on vacation doing nothing other than being busy and cleaning up.
Didn't get the Ministère job. That's OK.
It's Monday morning and I've jogged, washed, went through my bathroom closet to throw out old and useless hair spray bottles and other such cluttering products, I've wiped my couch, bed and a few chairs of cat hair and am now ready to sit down and work. Though the floor can use some vacuuming....

about my webliography

2005-05-02T18:27:00.000-04:00

I was at a party Saturday night and Helen, a Brit who’s in Montreal to teach English to elementary French-speaking kids, told me that she checked out my blog. She went over my webliography and decided to use the Spider-man exercises in one of her classes. Apparently it went over very well. The kids loved it and the class was a good one. It made me really happy to know that my blog, if one thing, helped complement an English class. :-)

i'm tired

2005-05-02T18:20:00.000-04:00

I had my interview at the Ministère today. The job actually sounds interesting.

‘Nough said.

I went to the U of M afterwards. I plan on auditing Lianne’s course on contemporary Montreal women authors. She has assigned Anne’s book to the reading list. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find the room. I even asked the guard. The local corresponding to the room number he gave to me was empty. Go figure. I’ll email her.

I’m exhausted. My semester knocked me out. I realize that ‘cause once I do the slightest little thing, I become tired. Seriously, one errand and I’m out! Ben kept telling me at the end of my semester to make sure I don’t burn out so close to the end. Even Maïa wrote to me today saying that I should take a break. I believe that whatever happens now will be for the best. Work or no work. Rest or no rest. Whatever.

Pierre is Awesome

2005-04-29T16:14:00.000-04:00

I must admit that the highlight of my MA studies lies in the existence of and comradeship with my three buddies: Steve, Steve, and Pierre (and no, this is not New Heart). They are my after class drinking buddies. My "lit" drinking buddies. What would I know about Bart Simpson, Seinfeld and reality TV without them? Their influence on my work has been major, and that is why I took Pierre's criticism so much at heart. Yes, he checked out my blog and found it generally OK except for the lack of reference to him.

Pierre, please accept my apologies. My shortcomings are the result of my inexperience as a blogger and should not be considered in any way as a lack of respect, hell as a lack of reverence towards you. To prove this to you, I have decided to listen to your advice and to write a proper blog. Except... my inability to equal your prose has just discouraged me, so I've decided that the best treat I could offer my blog readers is to experience the art of king for themselves! I will transcribe his example blog for your reading pleasure (and buy him a shot next time a see him to pay off the copy rights).

So...
Without further ado...
Ladies and gentlemen...
I give you (drum roll...): Pierre the Awesome

"Today I went to the Concordia U library. (Pierre is perfect by design.) I had to hurry to get out of the cold April rain. (Pierre is a ray of sunshine.) While walking in the hall I wondered about the choices I've made, and where they have led me. (Pierre's ass is a slice of heaven.) I thought: "why don't I have children? Why don't I have a career?" (I want to bare Pierre's children.) Then I realized my nerves are shot because the semester is over. (Pierre is a pillar of strength.) I perked up and caught a bus home. (Pierre makes my nipples hard.)

That's it for today. (Being Pierre is next to godliness.)"

All I can say is, "Thank you Pierre."

***For all you single (and not so single) ladies out there, Pierre is now single and available. His ass is pretty cute and he's way buff. I hear he's a good kisser though I've never venture to explore the cavern of sweet suckling love myself. He's into tattoos but not, I repeat NOT into piercings. For a picture, an email address or any other extra info, just drop me a comment!

yesterday afternoon

2005-04-25T15:01:00.000-04:00

It did hit me, though now I must say that I’m doing OK. It happened yesterday and only lasted a few minutes. I had gone out for breakfast with Kenny and Michelle and afterwards went to Concordia and McGill to pick up some books. Actually, I went to Concordia and seeing that one of the books on my list isn’t part of their collection, I headed towards McGill. They tend to complement each other like that. McGill indeed has two copies of the needed book, neither of them on loan right now and neither of them on the bookshelves, a recurring theme for me in University libraries, especially at McGill. I was about to head out when I noticed all these drenched people walking in the foyer. It was pouring outside. Much like a summer rain storm except without the heat and humidity to be relieved of. I decided to pass out the storm not quite comfortably seated on the side-railing of the windowed walk-way that links the library to the study hall. And this is where it hit me. I was thinking of Roxanne who I saw the night before. Roxy’s going to law school in the fall. And I was looking at this girl in the walk-way on her cell phone. A nice looking girl. Her school bag had the U of Ottawa’s logo on it with ‘MBA.’ And that’s when it hit me: “What am I doing? What will I do next? I’m lost. I have no career. No plans for one. And I’m almost 30. I have no money and I’m only getting older.” Panic. The panic of a student who cannot let go, remembering everything you’re supposed to know and yet try hard to forget: by my age, I should be settled with a career, a larger flat and planning for babies. But who says? Who’s whispering this in my ear? If only it weren’t for that dread that I’m sure eats at all of us, all of you, from time to time; the dread that somewhere we did something wrong. Took a wrong turn. But where? I can’t think of it! So why do I panic?

It actually only lasted a few minutes. In my old age I’m getting wiser, such a consolation. I pulled myself together and rationalized: “You’re just thinking this way ‘cause your semester's over. It’s the void. It came. It’ll go. You know you’re OK and that all will be fine.” Reassured, I pushed myself off the side-railing, popped open my umbrella and walked out into the rain. I took the bus home reminding myself that endings always offer up new beginnings.

finished

2005-04-22T16:33:00.000-04:00

Just came back from handing in my two last final assignments. I'm a bit surprised I've succeeded in finishing up everything before the ridiculously early 4 PM closing time of the TESL reception, where assignments are to be dropped off.

Now I'm waiting for a huge vague of emptiness to fill me. How soon will a constant impression of being disoriented overcome me? Tonight I have two parties. Tomorrow we change the kitchen floor. Then, spring clean-up. A week will pass and then I'll have to resume my work on my thesis for real. No joke. No procrastination.

Two days ago I got a call from QC's Ministry of Education, saying there's an opening somewhere and if I'm interested to please send my cv. Now how often does your government call you asking for your résumé? I'd be flattered if I weren't convinced that they have to do such stuff. They must have quotas. They must offer a number of temp jobs to graduating students everywhere just to show that they're encouraging the job market. Anyway, wouldn't that be a weird dilemma: do I go for a very secure job with the government or do I feign it, finish my thesis while I keep sapping off my boyfriend and complain about being dependent of him. I must admit, I'm leaning towards the second option. I don't want a steady job right now... I want to finish my MA, go to France this summer and find a sweet teaching position starting next fall! Goddammit! Is that too much to ask for?

Actually, immediately, I just want to change my pants. I've been wearing the same ones for the past five days and it's tired now.
And I want to eat peanuts. Why aren't there ever any peanuts around the house when they're most needed?

Bon, fini.

TESL webliography

2005-04-19T11:50:00.000-04:00

Walcir suggested I add my Webliography to my blog, so here it goes!
A listing of useful reading, writing and vocabulary sites for the ESL/EFL teacher.

Reading

Reading Group Guides
URL: http://readinggroupguides.com/
Not specifically geared towards the ESL class, this site is of value to any ESL teacher who wants to add a book to a class and promote insightful discussion. The lists of guides are separated by topic / genre. The guides include a description of the book and discussion questions. Some also feature the author’s bio, an interview and an excerpt from the book. Great for any ESL teacher who is “literature-challenged.”

Folger Lesson Plan Archive
URL: http://www.folger.edu/eduLesPlanArch.cfm?cid
This site does not offer exercises per se but a wide array of lesson plans involving the reading of the plays of Shakespeare and divided by general, elementary, film and interactive media lessons and by play. They are adequate for intermediate to advanced ESL learners. They are for the most part topic-oriented and promote communicative learning teaching. The lesson plans are complete, the design is impeccable and all necessary extra documents are downloadable. This is a highly recommendable site.

The University of Victoria’s English Language Centre Study Zone
URL: http://web2.uvcs.uvic.ca/elc/studyzone/index.htm
This site offers various exercises for five levels of learners. The first levels clearly split the reading exercises from the writing, vocabulary and grammar ones. They are skill-specific and concentrate on multiple-choice reading comprehension questions, story recreations and gap-fill exercises. The higher levels offer more integrated exercises, such as sentence-ordering, cloze, sentence writing and skimming and scanning exercises.

English works! Gallaudet University
URL: http://depts.gallaudet.edu/englishworks/reading/main/indexframe.htm
The most helpful element of this site is its sections on ‘Reading and Maping Strategies’ and ‘Types of questions and Tests,’ which offer ESL teachers a good guide to creating reading activities and tests. This site also has interactive reading exercises, mostly reading comprehension and cloze exercises that are interesting and offer detailed correct answer explanations.

Story Archives
URL: http://literacynet.org/cnnsf/archives.html
This site offers a wealth of stories that can be used in the ESL class. They are divided into categories such as adventure, business, health, environment, education and so on, which makes pinpointing a specific topic easy. Each story is offered in a full and an abridged version, hence authentic and simplified texts, as well as the story’s outline which are useful if the teachers wishes to create a dictocomp activity. The site is clear and easy to navigate. It is a great story resource for ESL teachers.

Online Book Club
URL: http://readinggroupsonline.com/
This site allows you to either join an existing reading group or to create a new one. Discussions can be conducted via chat rooms or message boards (provided by the site), or Listserv, email or web pages. This tool can be used to compliment one class or several ESL classes from different countries.

Writing

Spider-Man in Amazing Adventures
URL: http://www.ed.gov/inits/americareads/spidey/spidey.html
This site features some reading but mostly writing exercises all based on the action figure Spider-Man, which is especially fun for the younger ESL learners. This site is not an interactive exercise site. Rather, it offers downloadable pdf exercise sheets. They are an assortment of fill-in the conversation bubbles, cross-word puzzles, word games, create your own super hero and cloze activities.

Writing Exercises for Engineers and Scientists
URL: http://www.writing.eng.vt.edu/
This site is great for any ESL learner who wishes to improve their scientific academic writing. It covers the various genres of writing (memos, résumés, lab reports, progress reports, dissertations, etc), the expected academic style as well as many writing exercises (grammar, punctuation, usage, parts of speech, etc) to help the student polish their compositions.

The Elements of Style by William Strunk Jr.
URL: http://www.bartleby.com/141/
“This book is intended for use in English courses in which the practice of composition is combined with the study of literature,” states its introduction. It generally covers elementary rules of usage and principles of composition, and it’s free! An invaluable tool for students and teachers alike.

Creative Writing Process
URL: http://www.nzcal.com/hp/adk/index.php
This site covers all the stages of process writing, explaining what to do and why. It can be used by teachers who need a refresher of the process writing stages (from brainstorming to outlining to drafting to editing), though the site is mainly directed to students. It also samples some proofers marks.

Creative Writing Activities
URL: http://www.creative-writing.ch/active.html
This site offers several engaging writing activities that can be used in the ESL classroom. There are group / workshop activities as well as individual ones. They are well detailed and explained as one would expect from an activities book. This site is great for giving teachers some content ideas.

Web English Teacher
URL: http://www.webenglishteacher.com/creative.html
This site basically links to others that offer writing exercises, ideas and prompts. It is a great site to help teachers find inspiring writing practices for their students. This site also offers a wealth of links pertaining to other English teaching oriented subject, such as ESL/TESOL/EFL, children’s literature, critical thinking, poetry, Shakespeare, speech & debate, vocabulary, etc. Worth bookmarking!

Vocabulary

The Works of the Bard
URL: http://www.it.usyd.edu.au/~matty/Shakespeare/test.html
This Shakespeare concordance is simple and straightforward. You simply type in a string of words (indications to maximize the search are given) and the concordance pulls out all plays and sonnets where it can be found. This is a very helpful site to help integrate Shakespeare by topic into a language lesson.

Lextutor
URL: http://www.lextutor.ca/
This site has a wealth of vocabulary tools for the ESL teacher. It includes a concordance, a i+1 output writing tool, a word level knowledge test, various exercises that include lists of the different word level and much more. This site can be used by teacher to create exercises or by advanced students who wish to examine their language (vocabulary) level.

Merriam-Webster Online
URL: http://www.m-w.com
This site is more than just a dictionary. It also offers a thesaurus, word-of-the-day with a complete description of the word’s origins, a collection of romance words and their literary etymology, links to Encyclopaedia Britannica and Merriam-Webster for Kids. Of special interest to ESL learners, each word definition comes equipped with a sound file featuring its North American pronunciation.

Englishpage.com
URL: http://www.englishpage.com/vocabulary/vocabulary.html
This page offers several online vocabulary exercises in the shape of cloze activities that can be done by the ESL learner. They are divided by topic and can easily be used as homework/post-activities. The design is consistent and easy to use. This site also offers several grammar activities that are equally good.

Vocabulary & Affixation
URL: http://www.learn4good.com/languages/toefl/vocabulary.htm
The vocabulary listed on this site is considered necessary to know in order to successfully complete the TOEFL exam, which is of interest to many ESL/EFL students. This site stands out because it also offers a complete list of the root, prefixes and suffixes of these words so that learners may practice deducing word meaning by its affixes.

one down, two to go

2005-04-18T17:17:00.000-04:00

As usual, school work takes more time than planned. Especially when the warm weather comes our Northern way. Saturday afternoon, Ben (my boyfriend) and I went for a casual drink with some friends on their patio. We returned at dusk with much wine and beer in our bodies. Needless to say, I did little school work that evening. Instead, I worked yesterday and finished my Grammar paper today at noon. I gave it to my teacher and am now starting on my History assignment. So, one more big breath...

pre-thesis work

2005-04-16T13:16:00.000-04:00

Part of getting my MA thesis done entails first finishing my TESL Certificate. This week is my last week. I have three final assignments to write. The first one is for Grammar for Teachers. It's due Monday. I'm starting it now. Then I will work on my History of the English Language assignment and try to get that done by Monday or Tuesday. Last, I will work on my Teaching Advanced / Bilingual Students assignment, which needs to be finished by Friday.

A week or two ago I was speaking to my classmate Tom. I was saying how my brain, when pressed to work, sometimes goes in revolt mode. I can't think. I can't read. Lately, I've been getting huge headaches. Tom was telling me that he can't relax and read a book while being conscious of all the school work he still has to finish. I, on the other hand, at times can't do otherwise. All I can do is read a book or watch a movie that has absolutely nothing to do with anything that can be related to work. It's like my brain goes into forced rest.

I must now start working on my Grammar project. I have a headache. I'd rather stay in bed and read my Heningham book. Or slouch on my balcony. Spring has finally arrived to Montreal. A first beautiful week-end to be spent indoors at my desk. The first of the many to come...